No, not the app, but still, gaining footing only to lose it again. A certain affinity for seeing every meeting as fate. The desire to open, to trust and build, but this is not a time for building and trust is tricky. The foundation for any new life is relationship.
Be low
Be slow
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love someone. Adjusting proximities is a responsibility only our own. But boundaries are fluid, tenuous, hazy. If you listen closely enough, they need not even be articulated, but rarely does this apply. It takes a lifetime to learn to hear. To learn to see. To speak volume in a whisper.
Boundaries are an expression of nourishment, the space needed to remain whole, integrated, in ouroboric cohesion between inner and outer realities, a state of follow through — heart growing words into action into hearts.
Let us hold them together then
Mind
Body
Soul
Defended with, on the best days, grace and empathy, and occasionally, anger, fear and uncertainty, but held, nonetheless. Because if one is lost we must retrieve it, and lost is my least favorite state of being. Not the romantic kind of lost for a few hours and my phone is dead but I still have my charger. The lost a mirror must feel when it’s broken and every piece defends a different angle with no clear sign of when or where to go.
So send out roots in every direction to find the path of least resistance, snaking for years under the soil till any visible growth occurs. Take the space, make the space to remain separate in a singular self yet soft enough to be intertwisted in hopes of learning another form from the outside reaching, coiling to find the boundaries of coexistence. Apparently indivisible, and yet, in the end, impressions are indelible. Tread carefully, because what you are influencing is also influencing you.
To surrender then, to this voluntary imprisionment, this paradoxical freedom, we place ourselves within limits in order to have something to reach for, something more to discover. It is a test of our trust in the process to intentionally place things outside our full grasp.
Then perhaps our power, the right to assert ourselves, our identity, our authority comes not from brute force but of consenting, sometimes suffering, the limits of any given situation. Rather than resenting the walls, we may find there is enough to cultivate inside them, or at the very least, learn to embrace a little mystery.
Waiting need no be passive, after all, there are those who dance for the rain.